A German friend visiting Bucharest once tried to arrange dinner where a few Romanians were invited. “In Germany, we always go to a meeting 15 minutes earlier, so I guess I shall have to wait for 30 minutes for the Romanians to show up”. It might sound trivial, but this says pretty much about the way Romanians generally (people in Bucharest included) see or respect business, but this is not all, as my German friend could not join us after all: he got food poisoned after eating something in Brașov and had to go to the hospital instead. So Romania won, even though - as next to always - using its dirty tricks.

The main rule is that there are no rules. Romanians like to say they lived in fierce Communism for so many years and they pretend what they are going through now is the roughest form of Capitalism. Hell it is. With strong and tricky interventions of the government in the economy, the country is still miles from a real market economy. And then, the way people behave here is oceans away from any sort of professional conduct. But let me go to facts, at least as far as my experience here (yes, as a Romanian) is concerned.

Delays. Expect delays to occur anywhere, in next to any circumstance and disregarding of whether a CEO or a salesman is involved. Romanians will blame it on the weather, on the maid, the neighbour or on traffic (this is by far the top favourite). But they will be late; delays are so well rooted in this society that if someone is late for up to 15 minutes, he / she is automatically excused: “even at the Academy they waited for 15 minutes”, everyone will tell you. Trains will be late when they start in their origin station, two thirds of students will be absent at 08.00 AM when courses should start, your driver and partner will be late and so will your phone bill (even though you will be notified that you should have paid it two days before you even got it). Reasons? Plenty will be provided, and you can be sure it is going to be someone else’s fault.

That last minute solution... Give them 3 days to replace a handful of bugged pictures on a website, ask for a plain fly&drive package and tell them to provide it by the end of next week. Allow plenty of time and still be sure everything is going to happen (if ever and if not too late) in the very last second, with curses being sworn at everyone and everything, from that PC straight to the president of the country and to God himself. One may wonder why this happens. First, Romanians never organize their life and their priorities change all the time. Then, the longer time they have to do something, the more they will delay starting to actually work on it. And then, any sort of show gives them more importance: It is 11.59 PM, I have a deadline at midnight and I am kicking ass, can’t you see? Oh yeah, cool, how exciting (enter weeping women’s choir).

Strategy. Stratewhat? The last minute solution here above is next to always a result of people’s having no strategy in this country. Private or professional life, Romanians have no short, average or long run targets (see the Society section) other than some in very broad lines (such as “to make money” or “to show them all who I am”). Without knowing where they want to go, the fact that everything goes in circles in this country is the obvious consequence. Try to point to this and they will have a good laugh. At you and not at themselves.

Rush. No, not Jennifer Rush. Just the Rush. For a country where things happen at a very slow, exhilaratingly relaxed pace, the very moment one steps out of the airport or station, he / she notices everyone is in sort of a rush. Horns are blown, people drive like at a race, they shout at their colleagues, an e-mail has no beginning or end and it often contains just the basics, such as the oh so familiar: “no, can’t do”. Do not be fooled by this ado, this rush has nothing to do with actually being efficient, it is just a mere package meant to hide inefficiency.

Never straight to the topic. In Romania one never starts a discussion with the very reason that brought them there. They will begin with some chat on the weather, with last night’s soccer match or with some politics. They will criticize the government (or the opposition party, according to who you meet), make a few jokes, have a few laughs and only then you will be allowed to slowly try to bring the discussion to the topic.

Something goes wrong. Always. Guaranteed. The laptop does not have the right socket and they forgot the adaptor at home. The video-projector is off reach, in the tech guy’s storage room. The cat peed on the file. The internet connection is down. Screen share does not work. And, hell, they checked it all the night before. Sure did.

That darn phone that makes me look important (only in my own eyes). Once I got a job with a travel agent. During my first days there, my boss left for a meeting with a hotel manager. Just minutes after the meeting began, boss’ assistant called him on his mobile. At my asking why she did so with no obvious emergency, she answered: “I know he likes this, it makes him look important”. Indeed. What about handsome, dear? As for that mobile phone, Romanians won’t turn it off even during classical music concerts or when on the plane, so you can be sure it is going to ring at least 5 times during your discussion. And yes, they will answer 5 times. And call at least just as many.

No research. Do not expect the people you meet to have researched the topic you want to discuss, even if they themselves set the respective topic. They will tell you a lot of trivia instead and they will try to make a point by telling jokes. Or they will go bananas while trying to make up a story that holds, even if only for infants.

Appearances. But do expect Romanians to come to a meeting wearing a fancy suit, expensive designer’s shoes and to smell like a Dubai duty free perfume shop. They will both exhibit them all for your senses to enjoy (and hopefully for you to praise) and bring fashion or its price into discussion. For appearances and the package always count here. Or, to put it the Petit Paris way, noblesse oblige.

Eye contact. If you want your discussion partner to turn dizzy, look straight in his / her eyes while talking. Romanians do not look one into the eyes except for one situation: to tell one’s lover about that billion stars one can see in her eyes. Of course - quite to the contrary - this should not keep you from looking a person straight in his / her eyes; it will hopefully make them tell less lies.

Playing Mother Superior. Disregarding of who you are, Romanians will always be keen on telling you (or at least pointing you to) how rich, smart, omnipotent and handsome they are. You will learn about their new car, suit label, slim mobile phone or latest holiday in the islands before even opening your file or laptop.

Trivia. Always alternate your figures and business proposals with some sort of trivia or casual jokes, for otherwise your audience will get bored. People here do not like to get more than they can take at a (very) comfortable and leisure pace.

Verba volant... Make sure you write down (or record) everything you discuss, as well as all agreements reached during a meeting, because Romanians will not. At most, they write on scraps they will certainly lose afterwards. Then you should put it all in an e-mail. Sometimes they even deny having reached that and that figure when the meeting is over. Who? Me? There? No, no, you must be wrong. I am telling you...

Responsibility. Communist legacy, Romanians are utterly afraid of being held responsible. So they will deny many things, even though some of them are easy to do and would help everyone including themselves. Therefore, when asking for things that depend on one’s assuming full responsibility, it is all up to that respective person.

The longer and more often the breaks, the smoother way to “success”. Give them a 15 minute coffee break and it will take half an hour. Do not let them smoke and they will turn dull and upset. Do not provide cookies or pastry together with coffee and they will mumble. Do not have bowls full of candy on the conference table and they will look sick. Take them to the Novotel instead of the Hilton (the service quality does not matter, the shiny package does) and they will call you a niggard straight away. For they want to have a good time, while you mean, bleah, business. Blast, man!

No know-how and definitely no flexibility. Education in Romania is crap, many students pay their way through university and some do learn, but anyway there is little to learn, other than dusty theory. Most of the young that get good jobs are not so experienced or well trained. Furthermore, quite a few people get jobs because they “know” someone there or bribe one there. Then many get wages that are low enough to take any of their enthusiasm away. So do not rely entirely  on your discussion partner to come with solutions, even if... it is he/she that should do this. And if you want a person to be flexible and adjust that offer for your needs, take it slowly. Slowly I said. Hey!

Ever complaining. Disregarding of the discussion you are having, they will tell you how dirty the roads are, how disrespectful the other Romanians are, how many potholes there are and how corrupt politicians get when up there. And yes, how different they are from these others and their bad.

No ethics or respect. But no ethics at all. Expect your counterpart to throw dirt at his / her competitors, boss, colleagues and even brother. There is no “don’t be evil” Google mentality in this country. Reason granted or not, people will try to prove they are better by libeling the others, even if that makes them look even worse. Pathetic, it is.

What’s in for me? Corruption is still high in Romania (see the Spaga section in here). Before thinking of the bastards that pay their monthly wage, people around here will think what’s in for them. Whether it is about signing a real estate rental contract or about buying an industrial printer, the personal interest will always prevail to that of the company or organization that hired them. Even if this ruins everything on the long run. As the marketing manager of French company providing equipment for the textile industry put it in the 1990s: “it is easy to do business in Romania; first one settles the “commission” with the buyer’s rep and then the “auction” is peanuts”.

Intellectual rights. What? You drunk? Stoned? There is no such a thing here. If one is able to get his / her hands on the others’ project, congrats. As for theft, in some weird approach quite common in Romania, smart people are always into it. Only fools do not afford or are not able to conduct it.

Passionate. But then, whatever they might do, Romanians will do with passion; plenty of it that is. Hatred will next to always be granted some Greek tragedy tint, debate will be heartful, appreciation (if ever) will be of the adulating kind. Actually this is a good one, it shows these people are still... human in the end of the day. Or isn’t it?

Invitations. Romanians like to enjoy themselves by going out (whether this means “out” like in a pub or at one’s holiday house, for a barbecue). So they might invite you for a night out after a business meeting, and, even though you might find it a bit strange, that might very well mean a whole night out, starting with the antipasta and all the way to next morning’s hangover over the third cup of Turkish coffee or espresso, according to your host. You think of refusing them? Be prepared to be labeled as the bad guy that does not like them, has no fun and does not know what is good in life. Amen.

Egocentrism. And then we slowly got here. The very source of half this list is the Romanian ego. Dare hurt their ego and you will turn in their greatest enemy. Use those words they hate most: “no, never, wrong, bad, irrelevant”, and they will give another meaning to everything you have discussed that far. Instead, play with their cards, give a wicked smile to their Shiva and you will get their Vishnu’s support. Feel sick? Welcome to Bucharest!

Don’t know. Yes / No answers are not very common in this country; there always exists a “but you see...”. So, when someone tells you “well, I am not sure about that” or “well, I don’t know”, you can be next to sure that is an undercover “No”.

Troubleshooting. Something goes wrong: that laptop you have just bought stops working, the holes they drilled in that wall are too narrow for the cables you have to put through. Before expecting a solution and repair from those that should come with them, try to figure out a solution yourself. Because their solution will prove wrong, their conduct - ages from professional and they will be late (see above).

Hard to get to conclusions. OK, you made your point, showed them the figures, even drew a sketch or graph for them to get the big picture easily. Fine enough, but do not expect a full answer on the spot, even if your question is a simple one (such as “when may I get an answer?”). Because, should you ask straight questions, you will get this: “Umm, err, we shall see...”